the fun in creating space

relearning how to play/explore

it’s been fun exploring, playing, observing as i have. placing myself in the position to die the many deaths necessary to come through to the other side. this journey that i’ve been on for the past 34 years has been mesmerizing. especially in this 32nd-34th years where i’ve gained the space to muse. to play with the concepts, to look back on the journey of my life and see how every single part that occurred has led me to exactly where i am and it has been truly mesmerizing and beautiful.

have there been moments of “suffering” sure but as each one came up, it became an invitation to dig deeper within, to find the light in the darkness. to allow the storm to pass without feeling the need to stand in it and feel like i was it. it was the ability to recognise the storm would pass, that the storm wasn’t who i was and that was powerful beyond measure.

my explorations have led me to contemplations of so many natures. the nature that is; i am indeed an old soul. one who’s lived many lifetimes and while i may not be well versed in the specific ones, it’s this great knowing and identification with the history of our world and knowing, i am that, even if that isn’t where we are currently in 2022, it’s feeling deep within that i have experienced that history, somewhere within me there is a deep recognition of it.

and here i am as my 34 year old self knowing full well that this soul has experienced lifetimes. heck we are all one soul and when we dig deep we recognise that we ALL have experienced lifetimes. the “me” that is here talking to you isn’t an isolated incident she is you. and if i were a man in this lifetime i would say he is you.

we are in this process of shedding as a collective. we can all feel the undercurrent that the way maya/illusion unfolds isn’t our truth. we can feel it deep within us the something more.

never in a million years did i think my personal explorations would lead to redefinitions of god or even finding god. not the god that i’ve grown up hearing about. he isn’t real. but the god that is real. the god we hear represented as pure love and feel the recognition of that truth deep within.

and when we explore this god, we begin to realise that the attachments we feel to these bodies, these stories, they slowly peel away. these are the deaths we experience all through our lifetime. thinking death is only when the body ceases to exist. without realising, while here on earth death permeates our beings, holding us, making us believe it is truth. when the death we experience in each shedding is just returning us to truth.

there has to be a mechanism built in, even in this crazy place, that returns us to truth.

because truth, that is what we are. and it can be found in the words of others. but the real truth is when we recognise that we are the truth we seek. it is contained right within us all along.

i haven’t wrote one of these emails in just over a month so i’m kinda right on time with my once a month promise. but i let the inspiration flow of me as it is meant to and showed up in your inbox to share these words below from my journal that i wrote on the 17th october.

they poured out of me after i had a conversation with a friend. when i went home and was in a moment of stillness i found myself “responding” to the convo we had earlier and i wrote the words down and shared with the friend after. and the beauty here in sharing the words with you now, is recognizing these words shared “to” someone were really just words for myself.

maybe they may bring you some comfort. maybe they may not.

but something told me it was time to put it out there.

“it comes up to be brought to awareness not to figure it out but to be surrendered to spirit to be let go.

ego sends us in circles to figure it out to “know” but there is no “knowing” or “understanding” because true knowing is when we recognise figuring out is just ego spinning circles around truth.

to make us search for an answer where there is none.

we already “know”

it just takes letting go of everything we think we “know” and realising we “know” nothing at all.

that the knowledge we seek to figure it out is a never ending road.

more ego games.

more spirals.”

the “it” i refer to could be anything, insert whatever situation or thought or experience that is coming up for you right now here. and just rest in knowing, while the world tries to convince us our journeys are not connected they most definitely intricately are.

my love always.
katrianna

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