not a change at all.
no one recognises this. it is just suddenly seen. energetically experienced and even those words can’t sum it up in any way.
i hope this email finds you well on this breathtakingly beautiful sunday filled with blue skies and a bright shining sun like no other (to all my trini peeps)
for those on here who may not know i came back to the world of the living and reopened my instagram account! so if you’re looking for me on a more day to day basis you can find me there, until i, of course, go into hermit mode again 😂.
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i need to start a series named “dish thoughts” because there and the shower seem to be the places i do some of my most powerful thinking or formulating to write ☠️😂.
but as i was standing at the sink just now i was reflecting and realising i have admittedly been stunned into silence for quite a while now. way before my instagram deletion even occurred really.
there are just so many moments where i leave open space rather than posting or writing or sharing anything and i see it now and saw it even then, that there’s just nothing to see.
how everything could become so completely free.
everything seen just as it is.
the good, the bad, the ugly all beautifully this silence.
and honestly i’m totally stunned.
when you go on a supposed spiritual journey to find “yourself” what you actually end up coming out with is the discovery that there is actually no such thing as a “self” no higher self, no truer self. just no self period. there’s just aliveness in that body/mind that you call “you”. and there’s absolutely nothing to find nor change.
stunning to see.
and it all just rises and falls and there’s this peace and calm that just permeates everything. and there’s this rising sometimes that wants to try to describe this out loud and then other times just the quiet nothings.
but the thing is it’s not only peace and calm, feelings of doubt or guilt may still arise here and there or at least that’s the experience here at this moment and i’ve been told even that will fade. but there just isn’t this attachment to those moments in the same way anymore.
at some point during all of this there was a seeing that those moments that just dredged up all the apparent shit buried deep weren’t signs that i hadn’t learned anything they were just signs that things were naturally being let go. the energetic hold that they once had were ready to be released. and if i could give myself the space to just sit with it and breathe it passes. or even if i write out the experience it passes. regardless of how i supposedly “choose” to deal with it. it passes. but the truth is i can’t stop the waves. the waves are all part of it and thinking that i needed to change them was where most of the grief came from.
thoughts that berated me that these feelings were still there when all they were were just feelings/emotions/conditioning in this mind/body. not “mine” as the thoughts like to claim. but just what’s appearing to happen in the moment.
i don’t have to do anything about them, giving them the space to be, to rise, see the light, to fall, is it beautifully.
and then i think about a quote that i’ve been leaning on a lot recently
“there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” - william shakespeare’s hamlet.
anyways just a little longer form something than what i could share on instagram and just giving me the opportunity to check in with you all. feel free to hit the reply would love to hear from you all!
all my love always,
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