creating space
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so here i am post social media delete (if you missed my first post on why i quit social media check it out here). with an endless abyss of space and find myself enjoying the shit out of it, but also battling with an ego who tells me that i now have to fill it. because it knows in this space, it doesn’t exist and it cannot allow that. soul created the space for a reason, didn’t it?! could i undo my progress if i didn’t follow it? of course not, that is only a question ego would ask, a question designed by ego to keep me where i am.
i have found myself marveling at the process of ego, at how it is constantly creating endless noise and chaos all around us if we’re not careful, but it makes me smile more often than drive me crazy now. maybe that’s what space has given me, the ability to see, to appreciate, to no longer attach to the outcomes that would fuel ego for a lifetime.
ego takes anything, and begins to spin and weave stories, create labels, it is what it is good at, what it does.
my space has looked like noticing this, but instead of getting wrapped up in it, smiling gently and allowing it to play out without getting attached.
i find myself reflecting on the past so much now, synthesizing the past 34 years of my life and seeing the beautiful wisdom gained in it all (instead of the focus on shadows as ego loves to trap us in).
the conversations i have with everyone feels so different, even when i look back day to day. sometimes even directly in the moment as it is happening.
i can sense the observer role more.
the zooming out.
the looking in.
how it’s being done of me in a different way.
i’m not entirely sure the extent of this character.
this body.
this lifetime.
not from an ego view anyway.
not from the incessant ego candy all throughout the world.
but i feel the quiet knowing.
the need to be less.
i can feel the need to fill whatever space ego comes up with, but gently ignore.
reflection has brought to light how life is filled with so many cycles/stages, as women alone, we have a cycle every month, where we rest and renew, bloom and shine, shed and let go. throughout our lives we make shifts, from maiden to mother, mother to crone. i don’t think i ever became so aware of these recurring cycles until i slowed down almost 3 years ago.
the ebb and flow, was masked behind the constant need for doing. i thought i was creating space without social media, but now i realise my soul has been slowly creating space in my life all along. space to allow, space to just be, space where i don’t need to fill it with any form of doing. and it has been beautiful.
the hamster wheel of life has us going like busy bees, and the world definitely needs a rethink away from this, a rethink that includes us really asking ourselves what lights us up, not just doing it because we feel the need that we “have to” or that we “should”.
for so long that has been me with social media, showing up because i convinced myself without it i would be no one, without it i would never be seen, i would never be heard. and while it’s given me the opportunity to meet many of you amazing souls. something in it just no longer feels healthy for me.
slowing down to even write these emails to you has me reflecting on what i want to put out into the world, and accepting that even if that’s nothing, that’s perfectly okay too, but man is that threatening to ego. i find these words being screamed at me when i take that stance, that i am crazy for even suggesting i do “nothing”. what is even “nothing” is it the space that we naturally create; is that nothing?
i find myself morphing, changing, releasing, minute by minute and something i may have said last week or even yesterday can no longer resonate, this flow has taken over, this space, this allowing.
so with that, i’ve created this space, to combine both newsletter and blog, but a space where you too can comment and engage with me, and each other, the sense of community that kept me on instagram for as long as i’ve been, but in a space that feels healthier for me, a space that i don’t feel like i have to keep up with, a space that i can just allow to be whatever it is it wants to be, while still being in touch and getting those beautiful email/messages from you all :)
writing has always been something i have loved, something that you can see in my words when i speak with you, share with you, but something i never really knew how to follow my heart with, to create something out of it.
to say i have always loved blogging is an understatement, i used to run one on my organising journey as a young mom many years ago. but after i got “busy” (and i say the word busy very lightly because that isn’t a word i really believe in aspiring to) with parenting, wifing, work from homing; my writing fell to the wayside to create space in my life for the period i had to be in; that was the cycle/stage in that moment. am i still a mom and wife, yes, am i work from homing, nope not anymore.
but i’m in a different stage in my life. one where what’s required of me has lessened, yay to pre-teen/teenage stage! (am i the first mom ever to celebrate teenage years!?) and with that has come the space to explore. to lean into myself a little more, without the pressure of having to juggle many balls in the air all at once.
so welcome, thank you for being here. and i so look forward to having you.
if you found me through instagram you will be familiar with my musings, if you’ve known me almost all my life, maybe you’ll be familiar with my musings too lol! and if this side of me is new to you, i hope you stay a little while. i hope you find yourself in my words. i hope they spark something new and beautiful, perhaps it gives you space to welcome some freedom into your life by considering things in a different way.
some of you may know, that i host monthly goddess circle’s at Junckollage if you’re interested in the next one, here are the details. if you’d like to save a space, reply to this email/post and i’ll give you the payment details.
connecting with your inner radiance
when:
tuesday 25th october, 2022
5-7pm
where:
Junckollage Gypsy Caravan
121 Long Circular Road, POS
energetic exchange:
$100tt
this month’s theme is self-confidence/self-love as we journey together to reconnect with our inner radiance. leaning in, as the more confident we feel, the more we are able to shine in the world.
this month we are promoting more self-love, self-acceptance, self-confidence and bringing out that bright inner light.
some books i’m currently reading:
i’m always checking out something new and tend to read several at once. and always try to balance fiction with non-fiction, but i’m not entirely sure 1984 counts as fiction 👀😂.
a course in miracles (acim) is a very indepth book, i’ve been reading it since november 2021 and it’s broken up into the main text, the workbook for students and a manual for teachers. i’ve completed the text, but i’m currently in the workbook which consists of a lesson a day for 365 days. i’m at about 200+ mark at the moment :), this is a consistent practice i do every morning; i journal followed by reading my lesson for the day.
jed mckenna’s spiritual enlightenment, the damnedest thing was a recommendation from a friend. and it hit me for six. it’s the first of a trilogy (i am actually re-reading it, as i’ve read the three books before) and allowing myself to see what new insights come in this reread.
do you have any book recommendations? definitely let me know! i’ll check it out :)
note: these book links contain affiliate links, which omeans i may receive a small commission from qualifying purchases. using these links comes at no additional cost to you.
and if you’ve made it to the end, i love you, thank you for being here. and i hope we talk soon.
all my love always,
katrianna ♡
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